The parents of Trayvon Martin appeared today on "CBS This Morning". I would hope that any of us who have had a 17 year-old child can feel empathy for the loss these parents have suffered. In fact, I would hope that we could feel that empathy for any parent who had suffered the loss of a child, whether due to illness, motor vehicle accident, drug overdose or, in this case, gunshot. None of us, as parents, can ever say we know how this must feel if we have, thankfully, not experienced it. Perhaps we can imagine how we might feel. I think we have to acknowledge this grief and also acknowledge the dignity with which these parents have comported themselves throughout this affair (even if those who surround them have been less so - social engineering?).
It has been said, in many ways, that a parent's love is sometimes blind. This is probably a good thing and another concept that I think most of us who are parents can attest to - we are programmed to see the good in our child, the redeeming qualities, and do what we can to ignore the bad. It keeps us from giving up. We, as parents, know their true heart, their inherent goodness, and will work tirelessly to bring it out. We are forgiving of many things our child does (e.g., the fights, the trouble, the suspensions, the drug possession) that we would condemn in the children of others because this is our child and we know who they really are. Believe me, this is not to denigrate Martin's parents nor Martin, but to say that, as a parent who had two children - one a son - who went through that age that I know this happens. In cases where a child may truly be headed for trouble, this parental denial usually persists well beyond when it should and when it is useful. No one can say that is what happened here, it is just a grandparent's observation.
Still, this is one reason that society cannot allow the emotion, the despair of a parent over such a loss to be our guiding principle in adjudicating an outcome. For instance, his parents make the point that Martin was no burglar; what parent would, until forced to, ever consider their child a burglar? And, at least in light of available evidence, Martin was not a burglar. He was not killed while committing burglary. He was, however, garbed as a potential burglar might be, in a neighborhood that had been frequently burglarized. And no one perceived that HE (Martin) was a burglar - but that this unknown person, certainly unknown to Zimmerman, seemed suspicious in light of recent events in the neighborhood. This is a parent, doing as parents do, and saying "No one should have suspected my son". In truth, no one did; they suspected an unknown male.
With regard to comments by the juror who noted that her son might bear some responsibility for the outcome of his encounter with Zimmerman, a mother's love shines through in that this juror did not know her son and that a teenager should not be held responsible for their actions over an adult. This makes sense when that teenager is your son, but less so when one realizes the percentage of violent crime committed by 17 year-olds. It would seem to suggest that adult society should place itself at the mercy of 17 year-olds. To a mother, this is her baby, to someone else (who does not know his age), this is a man-sized assailant, whose age and identity are only known in hindsight. Again, this is why parents do not decide verdicts - because for most parents - include me in this - their child could never be guilty and no harm done to their child could ever be justified.
Interestingly, I also see that they mention a civil case yet, as I posted yesterday, I am not at all clear how, at the state level, current Florida law allows this. I suppose we will see; I gleefully do not claim to be an attorney.
I will say again that these parents have acted with dignity through a terrible ordeal, even though surrounded by those who have not done so. I cannot imagine and do not want to imagine being in their position; I know that I would have stood by my son - even after his death - just as they have done, even though I know he was not angel.
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